Dignity in Relationships Part Two

In followup to the previous message, where we discussed the commentary on hexagram sixty two may it be added that in exhibiting modesty we must make sure that it is not just empty form. The commentary says, "...however, if a man is not to throw himself away, it is important they they should not become empty form and subservience but be combined with a correct dignity in personal behavior." In hexagram fifteen we find that we must be modest even about our modesty. In other words, it can be carried too far. Modesty must come out of a good self image, not a poor one. And believe me men, more mature women can tell the difference and they can tell it quickly. It is as if they have a social radar not understood by men. It is also said they can read body language ten times better than men. We have a lot to learn from women. (There are things they can learn from us too, by the way.)

Men, many of you have heard from women, "You are too much like big brother." What are women really trying to say. Well, often they are saying you don't have that charisma or charm that is display by men who go out and get what they want. It often means, "you are too nice." This is a mystery to men because they think, "how can you be too nice." Well that niceness comes out of a lack of dignity in the way you display your modesty. It is empty form. It doesn't seem so to us men, but remember, women see things differently than men do and they are very socially aware. Their awareness comes from a different perspective on social relationships than we have. Niceness must come from strength, not from weakness. The trouble is we men do not often see ourselves as we really are, so we do not know how we are coming across, and we come across different to men than we do to women.

The opposite can be true too, however, we can become overly arrogant, and this will appeal to some women, but not the more mature women. It is a fine line, and most of us men do not know where that line lies, and it can be different with different women. The ultimate key is a good self image residing in the subconscious mind. But how do we know what is in the subconscious? Well, that is why we read and study the I Ching. To know ourselves, because most of us do not, and if we think we do we are fooling ourselves. The subconscious is a deep well (hexagram forty eight), and if we do not draw from it we remain blind to who we really are. Thus the ancient mystics all said, "(man, know thyself."