A Correct Dignity in Relationships

Many men who at one time were not successful in meeting women, then figured out the strategy and became successful have said that in realizing what it took, that women must be nuts. And it does seem that way at first glance because men and women view relationships from a personal perspective. I won't go into this very deeply. I, at my age, do not have any significant interaction with women. I am too old, and find that the present socio political climate leaves both men and women in significant danger when trying to meet and attract the opposite sex. I just don't have the stomach for it. That being said, I will say what some of the experts have been trying to say lately, (I am not qualified to say anything on my own) that women tend to want it to "just happen." As if it were an act of God, or an act of serendipity. Because of that, they are very wary of men who have pick up lines, or appear to have a polished approach that they likely use on most of the women they meet. Therefore, men who smile a lot, who appear to be too friendly can be a major turn off to women. Ironically, when a woman is interested in a man, she often acts in exactly the same way that if a man approached her she would run. She is friendly, flirtatious, and smiles. One more thing I might say before we move on is that what men and women consciously think they are interested in in a mate is totally different than what they are subconsciously looking for. Therefore, if someone says something about how a man or a woman acts, there can be a violent reaction because consciously we do not think we are that way, but subconsciously we are, which creates a whole slew of problems.

Now, let's take a look at hexagram sixty two and something about personal behavior. The commentary says, "Exceptional modesty and conscientiousness are sure to be rewarded with success; however, if a man is not to throw himself away, it is important that they should not become empty form and subservience but be combined with a correct dignity in personal behavior. This information can help us if we apply it correctly in our lives but the problem is, what constitutes correct dignity? How we interpret that tells us a lot about how we perceive the opposite sex. Women seem to be attracted at least subconsciously to men who are strong and have manly traits. They may not consciously look for that. But since they do, a problem arises. What constitutes strength? We are not talking about physical strength, but a way of being. So much depends on the maturity of the people being attracted. A less mature woman might have a subconscious image of a criminal being strong. He has swagger, he doesn't fear the law, so, even if she consciously hates him, there is a strange fatal attraction. A more mature woman might see through this. One thing I might interject before I go on with this is that often what women see as "confidence" is what men see as arrogance. Our total social view is entirely different. So men complain that it seems that only total jerks are successful with women. Women say, it isn't because they are jerks, it is because they have a backbone. But do they? It may appear that way, and sometimes it might be that way, but often it is not, and jerkiness comes out of weakness, not strength. It is one thing to be nice because you are weak, and another to be nice because you are strong. Truly mature women can see the difference, less mature women cannot. The kind of person mentioned in the commentary in hexagram sixty two is likely to attract a more mature person, not a less mature.

The desire that women seem to have, and there are probably some women who wouldn't agree with this, and some who wouldn't consciously but would subconsciously, or vice versa, for serendipity seems to align with hexagram thirty eight line two. The commentary says, "This being so, an accidental meeting under informal circumstances may serve the purpose." As has been said so many times before, conscious intent can spoil the party. In otherwords, as in hexagram twenty five line two we must "not count on the harvest while plowing." If it happens it happens, and if it doesn't, it doesn't. And again, line two in hexagram thirty eight says, "an accidental meeting under informal circumstances may serve the purpose, providing there is an inner affinity between them." If there is an inner affinity between two people, they are likely to meet somehow. Hexagram forty five line two's commentary says, "We should make no arbitrary choice of the way, (Do not count on the harvest while plowing) There are secret forces at work, drawing together those who belong together, We must yield to this attraction, then we make no mistakes."

Men do not understand women. Men tend to try to "make" things work. They try to make things happen, knowing if they don't "make" it happen, it never happens. In some respects this is true. In other respects it is not. All we can do is set our intentions, and allow the universe to "bring those together who belong together." There is something to be said for "the crane who calls in the shade." Subconsciously she brings her own together with her. Both men and women should learn to understand the other's point of view when it comes to social interactions. It will greatly increase harmony and understanding on the planet, and also make us more prosperous and content.