Encouraging Others to Approach (More on Thrity One)

The image of hexagram thirty one says, "Thus the superior man encourages people to approach him By his readiness to receive them." But in order to be ready to receive others who approach us we must make ourselves available. We make ourselves available by going out into the world and accomplishing something that others can take notice of. To throw ourselves at people never works. It doesn't work for either sex. To throw ourselves at others almost insures a reaction of abhorrence and backing away. Attraction is very slow. (See hexagram fifty four.) Line one tells us that the movement or attraction is first just an impulse and in the beginning is not even noticeable to others. We should do nothing to make it known before it is time. Line two tells us that "tarrying brings good fortune." In other words, we should not make our desires known too quickly. Even after the earliest stages, it is advisable to keep our desires in bounds and not let them become noticeable. The commentary says, "One should wait quietly until one is impelled to action by a real influence." In other words, we should wait until the attraction becomes apparent and obvious, meaning, we should be able to see it in the other person as well as within ourselves. We must be sure that the attraction is real and not a mirage or one sided.

Even then it is wise to be careful. Line three tells us in the commentary that "he should never ignore the possibility of inhibition, for this is the basis of human freedom." We should never show our hand too quickly. We should never do anything that is going to put pressure on the other partner to make a premature decision about the depths of their feeling for the other. It has been said that "the one who cares the least in a relationship has the upper hand." This seems cruel in a way but it is true. Oddly enough, not caring translates into caring because it relieves the other partner of all burden of responding. It leaves the other person free to become their own self and choose their own path. It seems senseless and yet is very sensible, and not caring is caring.

The upper lines will be discussed later.