Non Attachment

I have been moving the last three days, and should be completely finished tomorrow. However, I will not have internet service in my new place until Thursday.

In the meantime, I thought I would talk about attachment and non attachment and what it really means. To make a long story short, primarily, it means just this, as Bill Harris of Centerpointe Research would say, "Let anything that happens be okay." When something happens early in life that seriously hurts us, we often build an attachment to that particular occurrence thinking that it is what is typically our fate, and we begin to draw that experience to us more and more. We build up a pressure point around that type of occurrence in the sense that we feel it is something that naturally happens to us. When we build up an attachment, though unwittingly, to a particular negative occurrence, we are regularly drawn to that same type of experience, though we do not consciously recognize it. The key to releasing it is to let go of the attachment to it. In other words, when it happens the next time, we draw no conclusions about the goodness or badness of the situation, but simply let it go, unconcerned. If it relates to a constant rejection for example, we let it be okay. We do not emotionally involve ourselves in the outcome. It is perfectly okay. In regards to non attachment, I recommend a book called "Oneness." The author's name skips me at the moment, and the book is at my new place, but I will get it. One thing in that book that I think is very pertinent is a statement in chapter eighteen regarding emotions. Men often feel that emotions should be controlled, women often feel they should be expressed, but as this book brings out, the emotion should be "transcended." In other words, it should be felt, but moved beyond, in a sort of total acceptance. It is not necessary to yell and scream in order to release emotions, or express them in any undignified manner, but it is also wise to not just hold them in. The key is to transcend, and we do that once again, by releasing our attachment to the outcome or to the trauma experienced. We go beyond. We feel it, but it still okay, absolutely okay.

Hexagram one and two have many, many different meanings. In and of themselves, there are no positive or negative attachments to either yin or yang, except in the way they relate to each other. There is true yang and false yang, and there is also true yin and false yin. However, in some respects yin is evil in relationship to yang, and yang is evil in relationship to yin. Do not get caught up in thinking yang is this and yin is that. Yang is only yang in relationship to something else, and yin is only yin in relationship to something else. Of themselves they have no constituency. The do not exist except in relationship to something. Of themselves they have no quality. So in one respect, neither yin nor yang is good or bad, in other respects, one is good and one is bad in relationship to each other. So one of the things that is going on in hexagram one and two is that yang is light and yin is dark. That in itself has no connotation of good or evil, except in certain relationships with one another. So don't think I am saying yang is good and yin is bad or vice versa. It is only in this context that they take on these meanings, in that in one respect yang refers to that part of us that is in the open and can easily be seen, yin is that darkness within us, and relates to the dark side of us that does not want to be seen. That dark side of us often sabotages us and works against us. It is our dark side that causes us to slip up. Now before we get into the rightness or wrongness of this remember that this is just the way it works, it does not necessarily have the intention of evil, but when we do evil, it is often that part of us that unconsciously leaves a blueprint of our actions so that we later "pay for our crimes." It can be considered evil, but it can also be considered that part of us that wants to balance out the equation, (remember the movie the Matrix? Mr Smith was the dark side of Neal, and one cannot exist without the other) and will create our karma as necessary, but our karma is also our salvation. It is a dual edged sword, and cannot be considered good nor evil except as our perception of it reports it. It is just there, and must be brought to the light so that we can understand and know ourselves. In Eric Van Lustbader's book "The Ninja," the master says, "In order to be a true champion we must explore the darkside as well." Without that we do not know ourselves, and do not know why we keep attracting the same negative situations and sorrows to ourselves. But we will learn if we allow the outcome to be what it may with no attachment, allowing everything that happens to be okay. And it is okay.

Developing the Personality

The commentary on the image of hexagram fifty three says, "...it is necessary for the personality to acquire influence and weight." In other words, before a person can become really effective in the world, and make his or her mark upon the world, there must be a "gradual development" of character and integrity. We develop ourselves by "practicing chariot driving daily" (hexagram twenty six). The difficulty comes through the natural sequences of life that there are always actualities in our sphere of influence which would tend to make us get off the path. There are things thrown in our direction which make it difficult to maintain our direction and intention over long periods of time. Sometimes very short diversions might be unavoidable, but the commentary on hexagram twenty four line one says, "Slight digressions from the good cannot be avoided, but one must turn back in time, before going too far." If we let these diversions take hold, we find ourselves never getting back to, and even forgetting our own original purpose and intention. We start off on a project and never finish it, then we start off on another and never finish it, and we find at the end of our lives that nothing of an enduring nature was ever accomplished. We must stay true to our original intention. The commentary on line three of twenty four says, "There are people of a certain inner instability who feel a constant urge to reverse themselves. There is danger of continually deserting the good, (our true purpose and intention) because of uncontrolled desires, (things that catch our attention and divert us from our true purpose due to temporary desire) then turning back to it again because of a better resolution." If we keep returning to our true purpose that is good, but best not to let uncontrolled desires rule us at any time. Even if we are effective in the world, we are not as effective as we truly could be if we did not constantly get off the path.

it is the nature of the beast to be able to attain our true intention and purpose in this world, providing we keep working at it, and providing it truly is the purpose we came into this life to accomplish. But we must continue practicing chariot driving daily. We must have a purpose. We must remain true to the path on which our purpose lies, and not deviate from the path. Lao Tzu said he only had one fear. That fear was leaving the path that was meant for him to follow, his own personal tao. As long as we are on the path, he says that those who follow the tao can "walk safely among the animals. When they go into battle they remain unharmed. The animals find no place to attack them, and the weapons are unable to harm them. Why? because they can find no place for death to enter." As long as we are true to our own personal tao, to the purpose for which we were born, there is no place for death to enter. But we must remain true to our own person, to our own personal tao.

No Physical Reality

There is no physical reality. That is why the I Ching works, as well as Tarot cards, or Runes, or what have you. There is no physical reality. And as soon as our scientists figure that out our world and our technology will improve by leaps and bounds. Actually, some scientists HAVE figured this out, and are writing about it; but there is a contingency, a large contingency of science that will nay say anything that smacks of a higher reality. This is true with some because they just refuse to believe it, others do believe it but are determined that the common man of the human race will never know this.

What we perceive as physical reality is really nothing more than the mind using the brain to interpret frequencies and vibrations in the spiritual world. Those frequencies and vibrations are real, and as such create the appearance of a "real" physical world, and in that sense it is real, but only through interpretation. And since everyone's mind and brain works somewhat the same and somewhat differently, we have a shared reality as well as one that is not shared. That which is not shared depends on the belief systems and attitudes people have in their heart.

Those frequencies and vibrations are the result or the residue, or the function or the equivalent of a universal subconscious mind. Therefore, all frequencies and vibrations have an awareness that cannot be described. As such Lao Tzu said, "The Tao (Way - universal mind) that can be described is not the eternal Tao. But it is through the tao that all things are created and come into being. Nevertheless, the created is not the creator, not in the sense we are referring to here. Actually it is the creator, because all things exist as one and the same. The principle of oneness. But it is not in itself the creator, it is that which is created by vibration, which is ultimately thought. And when we come to understand that, truly understand it, we realize that all that really exists is thought. There is nothing else. It is thought which creates the universe as we know it. The universe as we know it is really just thought. Therefore, when we contact the I Ching, when we read, when we ask of the I Ching, we are getting in touch with this "universal subconscious mind" which knows all and sees all.

As Lao Tzu says, "Looked for, it cannot be seen, Listened for, it cannot be heard," yet it is there. We don't see the vibration itself, we see the manifestation of the vibration. Hexagram one is the vibration, the frequency, and as such corresponds to time and energy. Hexagram two is the manifestation of the vibration, and therefore is the correlation of space and form (matter). They are one and the same thing. I want people to really get what I am saying here more than anything else I have ever written, that the physical world, including the manifestation of our bodies, is nothing more than the mind interpreting thought vibrations that makes the spiritual seem physical. When we understand this, we can slowly but surely start creating our own world. There will come a time when we can start manifesting our own thoughts into the physical dimension as if it really existed. But ultimately it is all energy, and all consciousness; perfect awareness. Even we ourselves are just a form imagined into the world by the Tao. As such Lao Tzu says, "The five colors blind the eye," because we see the manifestation not the source. The I Ching, slowly, as time passes and we consult it more and more, gives us eyes into the spiritual world, that we may see how we ourselves are creating our own reality, although we are not consciously aware of it.

The commentaries on hexagrams one and two tell us that neither yin nor yang can exist without the other, and are actually only a part of the whole. But they must understand their place, and how they relate to one another. If they operate harmoniously, in conjunction with one another, there is wholeness, and completeness, and peace of mind. If they do not, we see a fractured world, and our fractured perception creates a fractured environment, and imbalance in our activities and in our path. We must understand the deeper aspects of the I Ching and not just how to do readings. Therein lies the deeper meaning which will inspire us to heights previously unheard of. First let us calm the mind, (hexagram fifty two) and out of calmness, inaction, will come the actions that are proper and bring success.

Success in Your Heart

Before starting on this let it be said right away that there is a big difference in asking the I Ching a specific question for a specific situation during a specific time, and asking the I Ching for wisdom and guidance in your daily affairs. If we get hexagram twenty nine for example, The judgment says, "If you are sincere, you have success in your heart and whatever you do succeeds." In answer to a specific question, this would mean that in this particular instance you can be successful providing you follow the advice given in the decision.

But when we are asking for wisdom from the I Ching, we read this differently. The judgment is saying, "If you are sincere, you have success in your heart," ALWAYS. Now that seems kind of strange since we all know we are not successful at everything we want to do, but that is because we are still trying to control situations with our conscious minds. We are not allowing things to flow. Now, I am not saying that we should always be successful even when our goals interfere with someone else's. No, that is not the point. The point is that if we are sincerely following our heart. If we are sincerely following the good, the most positive, and following the prompting of our heart's strings, we are always successful in accomplishing that which we are put on earth to do. But it doesn't just happen. It happens only when we follow the guidance given to us. It happens only when we are sincere in the good.

Another principle in relating to permanent success. Success does not always appear as such. Therefore, line three of hexagram forty two tells us that "we are enriched through unfortunate events." The problem is we experience things as negative and positive from our limited perspective, and think that what has happened is disastrous. But as the old saying goes, God (the universal subconscious mind) works in mysterious ways. Often, when things seem the gloomiest, when we "sit under a bare tree in a gloomy valley," and it seems that all is lost, that is when the most significantly unexpected thing happens, and all is changed for the good. But we cannot force this good, and it will not happen unless we possess the right attitudes and moral values while we go through this process. Hexagram five line six tells us that having "fallen into a pit all seems lost." And it is lost if we do not maintain the correct perspective." We must "resolutely go out to meet our fate," and to be accepting of it. In the midst of all we keep an inner calm, and a trusting heart. We are "sincere in our hearts." And despite having "fallen into the pit," we find that "fate is favorable." The commentary on line six of hexagram five says, "We must yield to the inevitable." But in doing so in the right manner, in full acceptance; in calmness and inner trusting, something unexpected happens. "Three uninvited guests arrive." At first we do not know the meaning of this, but once again we remain calm, fully accepting our fate, our destiny, we "greet the new turn with respect." When we wait in the calm assurance that while we consciously have no clue what is happening, yet we allow the universe to do its work, we find that we ultimately "escape the danger, and all goes well." If you are sincere, you have success in your heart; not just in this particular instance, but as a natural part of life. For the heart is the center of our being, it is the reflection of the love of God for all beings, and as such, cannot be wrong. If we follow the principles enclosed for us within the pages of the I Ching, we find that we merely follow our heart and all goes well. For it is the nature and principle of the universe, which gives us our destiny and our way, and that way, when we are sincere in the good, and calm and peaceful, our minds are at rest, we find we are successful in achieving our goals.

Consequences of Our Actions

In keeping with the spirit of the previous theme, hexagram sixty four line one teaches us that sometimes we do not perceive the consequences of our actions. This is an unfortunate fact for human beings and is true because we are disconnected at least partially from our higher selves, and can only see what is immediately before us.

Another part of the commentary on hexagram sixty four line one is that there is often a temptation to "advance oneself as quickly as possible." This happens once again because we do not perceive the consequences of our actions. All too often we are ready to approach another, develop a relationship, or build a business before the time is ripe. When we come to this position, and we have failed, we have like the little fox gotten our tail in the water, we realize that although "the time of transition has arrived, we are too weak to complete the transition (line three). This is because we have not properly prepared the foundations before we attempted the crossings. In any aspect of life, whether it be relationships, business, sporting, the foundations must be built before we can create the walls and ceiling of the building so to speak.

When things go wrong, as would happen when we push too hard too fast, often we must create a whole new situation. In other words, we must rebuild and do it correctly the next time around. If a relationship is damaged, but not completely destroyed, we may have to recreate the original magic that sparked the chemistry in the first place. That is hard to do, but sometimes it can be done.

Often, in cases like this, it seems to us that "everything is conspiring against us." (hexagram thirty eight line three) This is typical human psychology, and believe me, I have experienced that feeling many times in my own life. But once again, we come back to the same position that we experience this because our conscious minds do not have access to full knowledge, and we are limited in how much of our world we can perceive at any one time. So the answer is to use a tool such as the I Ching to understand the signs of the times, and to find the "hidden dragon" of line one hexagram one, that would spoil our attempts to create that which we wish to create. The universe does not conspire against us. When we do the things that duty commands us to do, and live in harmony with nature and humanity, we find that "fate is favorable." The universe is benevolent, not malevolent. We see things conspiring against us because we want things to be a certain way, and we expect them to be a certain way, and we expect that we should be able to accomplish our goals, often, even at the expense of someone else's goals and dreams. If we don't get our way, we feel the "universe is conspiring against us."

The commentary on thirty eight line three goes on to say, "However, he must not let himself be misled, despite this opposition he must cling to the man whom he knows he belongs. Thus notwithstanding the bad beginning, the matter ends well." We are misled when we continue to insist that the universe is conspiring against us, when we rail against circumstances, and as forty seven line three says, "he butts his head against a wall and in consequence feels himself oppressed by the wall." The only disasters we experience are created simply by our perception of the experience, nothing more. When we give up the feeling that the universe is conspiring against us, we find everlasting peace in the knowledge that we just have to let go and go with the flow, and in time, all things right themselves. Then the start that seemed to go so badly ends up being good after all. We need to simply relax and let the universe flow through us. The more we trust it, the more it works in our favor.

Dispersion

There are times in our lives where, no matter how deeply we understand our spiritual live and nature, no matter how attuned to the tao we are, we make mistakes in dealing with other people. If those people are important to us then we can only hope that the mistake was not so bad as to preclude any further mutual response. Sometimes that is the case and a person must just walk away. Other times the mistake may be rectified, but only by giving the other person lots of time, and paying particular attention to the passages of the I Ching that speak of waiting for the right time, and making little efforts continuously that eventually add up to something big. When relationships are just beginning we often become entangled in our folly (hexagram four line) and the teacher, our higher selves can do nothing but allow us to go through the opprobrium that the situation entails. After all, experience is the ultimate teacher. We have violated the rules of hexagram fifty three which teaches us that progress in any relationship that is of value progresses very slowly as the partners get used to each other, and come to know whether they truly belong together or not.

Hexagram fifty nine speaks of situations in which it is imperative that we dissolve or disperse obstructions that keep us from other people.
The commentary on line two says that "When an individual discovers within himself the beginnings of alienation from others, of misanthropy and ill humor, he must set about dissolving these obstructions." The commentary on the third line says, "He must set aside all personal desires and disperse whatever the self gathers about it to serve as a barrier against others." But sometimes the only thing that can be done is to give time. We cannot force our way into someone's heart lest we drive them even further away. As such it says in line one of hexagram thirty eight, "If you lose your horse, do not run after it, it will come back of its own accord." If we have acted precipitously and have created a barrier between ourselves and others it is often the case that the only recourse is to leave the situation alone at least for the time being. Hexagram twenty five line four says, "We cannot lose that which truly belong to us, even if we throw it away." If the horse comes back, we know it is truly our own horse. If it does not, it never was. Sometimes by pressuring someone else for a relationship, or to take the relationship to the next level, we push them away, and the only thing to do is to relieve the pressure.

A Time of Transition

The third line of the I Ching is the line that bespeaks a type of transition. In terms of the concepts behind the I Ching, the third line indicates a person who is transitioning from the earthly realm to the higher realm. The fourth line also is a type of transition, but it refers to the completion of the transition rather than the beginning.

Often in life there are two different directions we can go, and we have a hard time deciding which direction we had best take. Line four of hexagram one says, "A place of transition has been reached, and free choice can come in. A twofold possibility is presented to the great man: he can soar to the heights and play an important role in the world, or he can withdraw into solitude and develop himself...There is no general law to say which of the two is the right way. Each one must make a free choice according to the inner law of his being." Here either possibility is a valid one; we can explore the outer world or the inner world. Either direction will help us to explore our soul, and come to a deeper yet understanding that will help us move into higher realms.

Line three of hexagram one though, at the beginning of transition does speak of a certain danger. The danger lies in attempting to make the transition itself, for in order to properly accomplish it we must be the "right person." If we are not the right person the transition will fail us just as the little fox in hexagram gets his tail in the water before his transition "across the great waters" is accomplished, and all is in vain. A great deal of care must be taken at the beginning of any transition. (It is hexagram sixty four, "Before Completion" in which the judgment speaks of the fox getting his tail in the water.) The commentary says, "ambition has destroyed his integrity." We must always look at our motivations and mental state of being before we attempt to "cross the great water." Also we must make sure the "time is right." For if we have not taken into consideration the signs before us, but just egotistically try to force the issue, then "our tail gets in the water." In such a case "The water goes over our head," (hexagram twenty eight line six). This happens because as in hexagram thirty four we have "forgotten to ask what is right." We cannot reach the heavenly realms until we have been "practicing chariot driving daily," and our power is so ample that we can in a sense "storm heaven's gates." But once we do make the transition, we are first like the dragon "waivering in flight over the depths," and later like the "flying dragon in the heavens." We soar into the heights as the wild goose in hexagram fifty three line six. Our task then is accomplished.

This is all conditional on the following. We have "not forgotten to ask what is right," to "wait for the right time," and have the proper virtue. We must not only be able to "feel the force," as Obe Wan Kenobe would say, but also to "be able to control it." The way of the cross (force) leads home, but we must know how to follow it. (Obe Wan Kenobe equals Oh, be one, with the force.)

A New Plan

A while back I said I hope to have a full website by August, and of course that never happened. However, I do plan to move into a new place at the end of this month, that within three months should start freeing up a lot of cash, and then I will make further plans on a full website. I also still intend to set up the genesichinginsequentialorder.blogspot.com aspect at that time too. So, although I don't always followup on plans when expected, I usually try to get it done eventually, anyway, time for next post...

Electrically Charged Energy

Hexagram one line one speaks of the hidden dragon, and when the dragon is hidden we do not act. The very first line of the very first hexagram teaches us of cycles. When we get this line we understand that there is an unseen element that can upset the situation if we act. We do not have enough information to be able to make an informed choice about our actions.

But there is another aspect to the content of this line. The commentary says, "In winter this energy withdraws into the earth. in the early summer it becomes active again. The universal energy is a constant outpouring and inpouring, returning once again to its starting point. When our personal energy is within, we cannot be as effective in the outer world. But our personal energy has to cycle in and out in order to maintain balance in the overall physical and psychic body. This circling in and out is a constant thing, just as an ebb and flow of the ocean tides is cyclic. The key is to learn how to recognize it in ourselves, and begin to feel within this universal "ch'i" energy. This universal energy is connected intimately and in truth IS our own personal energy. When the energy is flowing well, we feel this energy and it enlivens us and strengthens us and gives our muscles greater tone - even more it give us a strength beyond muscular strength, which was the focus of all original asiatic martial arts - the ability to enhance the flow of chi and make oneself an "immortal chuang tzu."

So, if we continue to "practice chariot driving daily" with this universal energy, we begin to understand the cycles within our own bodies. This flow is the same as the flow of the universe, as universal "ch'i" is constantly flowing in and out from the center of the galaxies, and even more from the center of the universe and back out. It is the same thing as breathing in a universal context. The entire universe breathes, and when it breathes in the "dragon is hidden." When it breathes out, it enlivens all things. This again is a matter of involution and evolution. It corresponds with the concepts of life and death, darkness and light, inner and outer.

In order to be effective in the world we must understand that we ourselves cannot force the issue. (Hexagram thirty four). We must allow for 'timing." In this way, recognizing there is a power greater than ourselves, and humbling ourselves with this knowledge, (hexagram fifteen) we "practice chariot driving" until the time is ripe for true action. We must allow the universe to do its work for us, and then in "allowing" the universe to work through us, we recognize that the work is not ours alone, (hexagram two line three) and do not take credit for the work. "He does not seek to have credited to himself things that stand accomplished." If he does he is stealing the credit from the universe, and giving it to his own limited conscious self. The commentary goes on to say, "...but hopes to release active forces." In other words the work that he does is meant to unleash the power of the universe - a power that is greater than his own. In so doing he recognizes that the credit is not truly his, but gives credit where credit is due.

If we really want to be successful in the fullest extent in the world. If we want to accomplish something that will last, and be of unlimited value, we must be able to connect into universal circuits and ALLOW them to flow through is. They are not our own, in the limited egoistic sense, but belongs to all and everything. Luke Skywalker's teacher in "Starwars" was constantly telling Luke, "You must feel the force." When we do that we know whether it is hidden or not, and possible to be used in the way we want. When the dragon is hidden, i.e., when we cannot feel it, we cannot properly use it to our own advantage.

Real Versus Unreal

Hexagram four line four speaks of a situation in which the teacher has to leave us alone for a while as experience is the only real teacher. This line hints to us that we have a blind spot in our thinking. When this happens we often unwittingly cling to this blind spot and will not let it go, and even when our teacher tells us it is not so, we tend to realign the teaching to fit our way of thinking. Therefore, there is only one thing left that the teacher can do, and that is to let us go our own way. The teacher knows that life itself will bring us into conditions and circumstances in which we bump up against our concept of reality in such a way that it shakes us out of our illusion. The nature of the universe is to force us to grow, and it will do that one way or another. It may take us a short time or a long time to learn, but we will be forced eventually to shake loose of our illusions.

Once again the point must be made that the universe is a consciousness that points us to it. We do not see this through many lifetimes. We have allowed ourselves to be deluded to such an extent that we cannot accept this premise no matter what. And yet, sooner or later we end up having to admit that is an intelligence of a higher nature than our own conscious minds. That universal consciousness is the force that sets us up into situations where we are forced to shed our illusions. It is a school master that eventually gets us in touch with our own inner Christ, or Buddha, or Natural Way, (tao)

Hexagram two line three says that there are "hidden lines." In other words there is a much greater aspect of reality which we cannot see, hear, feel, touch, or smell. And yet it is there. And if we do not appreciate its existence, it will eventually in some way make its presence felt. Chapter fourteen of the "Tao Teh Ching" says of the tao, (the force, the natural way, the universal subconscious) "Look for it, and it cannot be seen. Listen for it, and it cannot be heard. Grasp for it, and it cannot be caught. These three things cannot be further described, so we treat them as the one." Universal mind cannot be seen, it cannot be heard, and it cannot be caught, and yet it is there, as real as anything else. And being real, will if need be, make its presence felt, so that, as painful as it might be, it chastises us into an understanding of its ways. It is the ultimate teacher, which our earthly teachers can merely mimic, knowing that the real teacher is unsubstantial yet real, has form yet cannot be seen, speaks to us yet cannot be heard, and forces us to recognize, sooner or later that there really are hidden lines, that can bite us in unimaginable places if we arrogantly assume that our conscious minds are all that exist, and insist on remaining trapped in our illusions, they biggest illusion of which is that we are separate beings.

On the other hand, chapter sixteen of the Tao Teh Ching says, "If you empty your mind of all thoughts your heart will embrace the tranquility of peace." We must quiet the conscious mind. It does have its place, but it also needs to recognize a greater power than itself, which can only be found in the "tranquility of peace." "Look for it, it cannot be seen." Yet it is there, but only in the tranquility of peace. Because when our minds are calm, relaxed, and open, the "inner truth" (hexagram sixty one) pours in. We don't hear it, we don't see it, we don't feel it, and yet we know. May the tao (the Lord, the Buddha) grant us that "peace that passes all understanding."

Not a Robber

When men and women first come into contact there is normally a certain standoffishness because we do not know what the other person is like. There are other reasons too, such as there is no context for any type of social involvement, or no need for social involvement. However, assuming that is not the case there is still the issue of trust. The sixth line of hexagram thirty eight says, "One sees one's companion as a pig covered with dirt, As a wagon full of devils. First one draws a bow against him, Then one lays the bow aside. He is not a robber; he will woo at the right time. As one goes, rain falls; the good fortune comes." Our natural tendency is distrust. We cannot simply approach unless a certain protocol is in place. If we do we will be greeted with suspicion and mistrust. Therefore, it is necessary for the man especially to be very cautious in first approach, and make sure there is absolutely no pressure placed on the woman to respond in any particular way. This is not naturally, generally for men, unless they are well versed in social interaction at that level. There must always be a gradual process (hexagram fifty three) of interaction based on the gradual development of trust. The man, (or woman) may be truly sincere, but it takes time to allow the other person to recognize that. As time goes on we begin to judge a person as they really are, and possibly rid ourselves of the mistaken image of the other person, and realize their intentions are good. To allow this process to happen, we must wait for the "right time" to woo. When we act accordingly, and reserve ourselves and maintain personally integrity and dignity in the mean time, we gradually "bite through the wrappings," as mentioned in line five. It is only when we have "bitten through the wrappings that we can approach with sincerity in our hearts. We cannot do it until the time has come when the "weapons have been lain down." Then, even though we are isolated, we then come to meet a "like minded person" (line four) with whom we can associate. And, "though the beginning was not good," (line three) all ends well. It is like "meeting our Lord in a narrow street." In other words, we find someone in an unlikely place, it appears as if by magic, and we realize we have found the one that is right for us. As hexagram forty five line two says, "there are secret forces at work, bringing those together who belong together." We must trust this universal principle, yet almost no one does. So we meet the wrong people, we get involved where we should not. It would have been better to leave the arrows out of the quiver, but we try to do everything with the limited resources of the conscious mind, without just trusting. We are like those in hexagram forty five line five, who "are not yet sincerely in the work." We give no credence to the deeper levels of mind, and try consciously to force every issue, which often turns against us. Not being in the work means we are not trusting the deeper self, the Sage, The sacred teachings. We leave half of ourselves out of the equation, but when we have "sublime enduring perseverance, (also hexagram forty five line five) Then remorse disappears. When we allow our higher self to take over, not only do we "make even our enemies to be at peace with us," we find that "we cannot lose that which truly belongs to us." (hexagram twenty five line four) four it is brought to us by "those secret forces bringing those together who belong together."

Where to Go Next

I've missed a few days in posting here as I try to think of where to go next. I am very interested in continuing to go in the relationship direction, but the material I give out must be given out through a very accurate understanding of what the I Ching is really saying about it, and realizing that I am not an expert in relationships. I do however, know people that I think are. They are not I Ching experts, so I have to listen to both. And I am going to be very upfront about where I go to hear the experts talk about relationships. It's not what you might think, in terms of some psychologist or counselor who has school learning, but at the same time their relationships fail as fast as those of the people they counsel. I would rather go to those with real world experience, and as such I learn things about the difference between the way women think and men think in social context. I get emails from two sources, the first is the one I like the best, as his material relates more to "long term" relationships, not overnight situations. Well, I won't even mention the second one, nothing against him, but the first is the one I like to listen to. His name is Michael Marks. He is not a so called spiritually evolved person in the sense that he reads sacred books or anything, but in a way he does have a certain maturity I think is very spiritual. I listen to him not so much so I can win women's hearts as it is just interesting to me to know as much about life as i can and understand the way life is. So much relates not only to relationships, but as well to how we relate to our inner self. And as much as I can put out here, I still have much to learn.

I would recommend that women as well look up Michael Marks and listen to what he is saying to men. Maybe even read his emails and give a little feedback to him. Some do. Part of the problem in communications between men and women is that our life experiences turns out to be very different once we become interested in the opposite sex. Each has very different experiences, experiences (and not always, in every case with everyone, just as a general rule) in attempting to meet the opposite sex due to the different orientation we have toward relationships and such matters. Why would I say that? Well, let me preamble with this. Both men and women get rejected. Both sexes feel rejected quite often. But the difference is this. Men, being naturally aggressive, and knowing they have to interact with lots of women to find one that will stay with them, create an atmosphere in which a woman can feel like a "hunted" species. She goes out and eyes are on her everywhere. Then it seems that men start tripping all over themselves to get to know her, and that it isn't just her, but the opportunity she presents to them. She is not so concerned about finding a man, but the right man. She meets men that are giving her compliments, trying to make conversation with her, doing what they can to the extent that they come across as desperate. And since the man doesn't know how he is coming across, he feels rejected, and as time goes on, he gets more and more desperate. And it shows. And that is a major turn off to women. So some man comes along, acts like a jerk, doesn't care in the least and she is attracted. At first glance, this might seem odd, but it is not when you consider that women are being approached all the time, just about everywhere, and men are trying harder and harder, trying new pick up lines, doing what ever they can to make themselves more appealing, and finding just the opposite effect.

It is not that jerks get along better with women. It is that while they may not care, they come across as more sure of themselves, and do not "throw themselves" at the woman. They leave a women with the feeling that he is not needy or desperate, which most guys are both, because they don't know how to approach women.

Let me tell you men, to play a game to act non needy does not usually work. It has to be real. The problem is, how can you be that way when all the time you see women back away from you? If there are any games to be played, it is to be played with yourself until you can convince your subconscious mind that there is really not a problem. When you feel worthy deep down inside, below the level of awareness, you start to act like it. Some may call you a jerk, but women see things we don't see about ourselves. They are excellent at feedback so we can come to see ourselves more as we truly are. In truth, both sexes can learn from each other. We are mirrors to each other. In fact we are all mirrors to each other male or female in all aspects of life. When we have trouble with people we are getting a mirror feedback image of ourselves. Most people never realize it though, and male or female, go through life with a form of "quiet desperation."

The interesting thing about hexagram thirty eight is it tells us ways to overcome isolation or opposition, or polarity. But it can only become overcome when things have not gotten to the point where there is no hope of reconciliation. Let us hope things never go that far. Let us be sure we can understand when they have and when they have not. The hexagram, though speaking of a negative situation, offers hope because through understanding, we can slowly but surely change the situation from negative to positive. The hexagram speaks of overcoming misunderstandings.

More on this later

Outer Form and Inner Calm

Hexagram fifty four speaks of "The ways that work" in both a relationship and in personal growth. The commentary says, "Within the personality too, development must follow the same course if lasting results are to be achieved. Gentleness that is adaptable, but at the same time penetrating, is the outer form that should proceed from inner calm." The key to everything, and I mean everything, is "inner calm." It works in our relationships, it works in our dealings with others. It works when we are being challenged or bullied. That inner calm works on the psyche of the other, as we see in hexagram sixty one to the point where it influences "even pigs and fishes." Without that inner calm there is no penetration into the psyche of the other." Without that inner calm we can not effectively deal with our spouses and our significant others. But with it our gentleness is no longer coming from a place of weakness, but of strength. So often kindness is mistaken for weakness, but it depends on what kind of kindness it is. Does it come from the inner being? From a heart that is strong and yet soft?

We ourselves, when we recognize the difference, recognize it by being gentle yet strong within. By maintaining an inner calm. The commentary goes on to say, "The very gradualness of the development makes it necessary to have persistence, for persistence alone prevents slow progress from dwindling to nothing." Most things cannot be done over night. And if in applying a gentle spirit we give up after a few tries then that penetration will not occur and we will have accomplished nothing. We will have little if any influence on anyone. One of the major lessons of the I Ching is that we cannot accomplish everything at once. We must build big successes by the accumulation of little successes. And we can only have those little successes by applying the proper principles and continue to apply them. We must have a goal that we do not deviate from. We must be slow to give up, but we must build little by little. This concept is brought out a little bit in hexagram forty five and forty six, where things are gradually gathered together, and as they are, a vertical ascent happens as well. When we follow the dictates of our higher self, when we apply spiritual principles daily, always applying the correct techniques, we gather spiritual forces to our side, and they help us to maintain both an inner and an outer equilibrium, which integrates our lives and develops our spiritual world within. As line two of forty five says, "There are spiritual forces at work, bringing those together who belong together." This happens not only with people meant for us to have relationships with, but also, for events in our lives to teach us and guide us into a deeper spiritual understanding.

Finally, in developing relationships, the same principle of gradualness must apply. We can have short term relationships that, as in hexagram thirty line four, "flame up, die down, and are thrown away." We can have those types of short term relationships if we so choose, but in doing so we never develop a lasting partnership upon which society is based. The commentary on hexagram thirty one says, "...for it is perseverance that makes the difference between seduction and courtship..." We cannot develop lasting relationships over night. Even if the chemistry is very strong, it will wear off over time, and if the proper basis for a relationship has not been developed, it will not last. We may fall in chemistry at first glance, but not true love. Not spiritual, unconditional love." Only the heart in its deepest part knows the true one meant for us.

Influencing (or Wooing) and Being Influenced

In the commentary on line five of hexagram thirty one it says, "It is true that if we cannot be influenced ourselves, we cannot influence the outside world." If we are so cold hearted as to not allow anyone into our lives, we too, will be rejected when we try to influence others. But that is because for a cold hearted person the attempt to influence is based on the desires of the conscious mind and not on "that which is called forth from the unconscious."

Taoists might call the information upwelling from the unconscious the mind of the Tao. It comes from the deeper levels of the universe. See, they knew about the unconscious millenia before we discovered it in the west. But they had a deeper understanding of it as well, deeper than we understand even yet. They weren't hung up on religious dogma, or blind materialism, they just recognized the world and the cosmos for what it was, and is. The mind of Tao. When we follow this deeper mind, we are also following what the taoists would call "the natural way."

This is described a little bit differently in line four, where it is said, "If a man is agitated in mind, And his thoughts go hither and thither, Only those friends On whom he fixes his conscious thoughts will follow." This is a very esoteric way of saying, "if you are agitated, you will attract to you the things that occupy your predominate mind set, and not the things you want. What you think about over and over again begin to take root and hold in your daily life. The key is to let agitation go. As Mariko said in the novel, Shogun, "you must be able to drink tea out of an empty cup." In otherwords, nothing disturbs you. When nothing disturbs you, and you do not let your thoughts wonder, then you enter the "mind of tao" and all things proceed as they should. Then one can "go out and resolutely meet one's fate." The commentary on the fifth line also says, "What takes place in the depths of one's being, in the unconscious, can neither be called forth nor prevented by the conscious mind." That is why it is so important not to be arrogant, (the Greek gods hated arrogance) and humbly recognized there is a bigger I than the little I of the conscious mind, and that it is really in control over all things. When we recognize this, and enter into the "mind of tao," things unfold naturally as they should, and the "secret forces bring together those who belong together." But we worry and we fret, and we try to control everything in our lives, and those around us, but find out we cannot do it, that the ship sets a course we did not intend. Then we become even more agitated in mind. When we try to force issues in our lives, control our partners, control our relationships, make them work the way we want them to, we are acting against the advice in line three which says that when we are not in the mind of tao, we hold to that (agitation) which follows us, and to continue is humiliating. We must let go. We must enter the 'mind of tao." Lao Tzu said in effect that the way to victory, or gain, is through loss. Every day, little by little, we let go of our conscious mental striving, and enter a little bit more the mind of tao. By practicing daily, we are "practicing chariot driving" as in hexagram twenty six.

The commentary on line four tells us, "the impulse that springs from this source is the most important of all." The impulse that springs from the mind of tao and not from the conscious mind so full of desires and cravings, is the most important, and it is utterly essential that we recognize this impulse and that it is the true impulse from the mind of tao. Then "there will be no cause for remorse."

Our relationships must follow these same principles. When we try to get our partner to act the way we want them to, we lose the mind of tao. When we think they should change, we are not responding from our higher selves. When we nag, cajole, give the cold shoulder, act in any unbecoming way, we are not entering "the mind of tao." The mind of tao is only peace (hexagram eleven). It is only through the way of peace that we can enter the tao. It is only when we give up the struggle, and utilize what Lao Tzu calls "nonaction," that we can enter the mind of tao. When line two and five change in hexagram thirty one, the result is hexagram thirty two. The way of the tao is eternal, nothing else is.