Different relationships

There are so many lines in the I Ching, and I would submit that in some ways, all lines in the I Ching discuss our relationship with our own higher selves and how that relationship is either blocked or in non working order, or else it is in good order. In hexagram forty eight line four it says, "The well is being lined." It amazes me how many different meanings any given line can mean. Often it can mean a situation has not fully developed yet, and no definitive answer can be given until the situation develops further. It can also mean that we have not yet fully developed ourselves or the nature of our relationship to our own higher self. Remember that all lines can relate to relationships; either relationships to ourselves, to our neighbors, to our interaction with society as a whole, to relationships with superiors or inferiors, or personal relationships of the most intimate kind. Hexagram forty eight line four can therefore mean, in terms of a personal relationship, that the relationship has not yet fully jelled, and there is no guarantee that the relationship will move to the next level. This of course does not begin to exhaust the possibilities of meaning coming from just this one line.

In hexagram eight we have an obvious reference to relationships of one kind or another. But all types of relationships follow a certain kind of pattern. The same type of principles of  relationship we have with a "significant other" is the type of principles in a relationship with our higher self. Just as we don't want to try to move too fast into a relationship of significance, we cannot too quickly develop a relationship with our own inner self. The stage has to be set. And both hexagrams thirty one and hexagram fifty three (as well as others) caution us against moving too fast into a relationship. It tends to scare the other person away. We have to under many conditions hold back for the time being until the time is right. Until the "well has been lined."

Sometimes a relationship simply is not possible. (Although it is always possible with our higher self if we proceed in the right way.) As such, hexagram eight line six tells us, "He has no head for holding together." In other words, the conditions aren't right for a relationship to develop. This is true on a personal and interhuman level, just as it is true on a deeper level in getting to know our higher self. We do not understand (head) the mechanisms for making a relationship work even within our own being. If the beginning is not right the the end cannot be right either. Relationships cannot develop too quickly. At the same time, if we hesitate too long we miss the minute of truth, the minute when the relationship can work.

Hexagram sixty one indicates also the way relationships work. But here the emphasis is not on the physical aspects of a relationship or the dynamics of male female relationships (actually, yes it does in a certain way, which will be discussed here.) But on the inner affinity necessary between two people to make the relationship work. The same principles that work within us for a relationship with ourselves apply with a relationship with others. There has to be an inner affinity of "like attracting like" in order to make it happen. Usually for men the original impulse for attraction is the physical beauty of the female, where for the female it is the success of the man that is an initial attractor. However, for a relationship to jell and continue it takes more than that. There must be an inner affinity between the two people. In a human relationship however, there has to be an awareness of each other and a mutual looking at each other in the sense of going the same direction. In line four though, the team horse does not look at its mate. This is because it has a job to do and cannot be distracted. In terms of our relationship with our higher self, this has got to be the way it is. We cannot be distracted in pursuing a relationship with our higher self and at all times must attend to our duty. In contradistinction to what I just said though, although the former applies too in it own way, in order to have a relationship with another, we cannot allow outside distractions to develop keeping us from pursuing and continually better relationship with our significant other. We cannot be dazzled by the beauty or the attractiveness of outside people, but must maintain strict discipline in pursuing the improvement of the relationship that we have and the desire to make it better. We must at all times attend to our duty. In this way we "limit ourselves" (hexagram sixty) to the pursuit of that which reinforces the value of the relationships that we have.

Line five of hexagram sixty one says, "He possesses truth, which links together." Falsehood will not enhance our relationships, this is true in interpersonal relationships as well as relationships with our own higher self. We cannot lie to our own higher self. It is impossible. It may be possible to lie to our significant other for a while and get away with it, but eventually it will destroy the relationship, not strengthen it. (I am talking about real deceit here, not little lies to not hurt someone's feelings). However, when both lines four and five of hexagram sixty one change, the resulting hexagram is number thirty eight. Herein lies the possibilities of misunderstandings and how to deal with them. We will get to that later.