Outer Form and Inner Calm

Hexagram fifty four speaks of "The ways that work" in both a relationship and in personal growth. The commentary says, "Within the personality too, development must follow the same course if lasting results are to be achieved. Gentleness that is adaptable, but at the same time penetrating, is the outer form that should proceed from inner calm." The key to everything, and I mean everything, is "inner calm." It works in our relationships, it works in our dealings with others. It works when we are being challenged or bullied. That inner calm works on the psyche of the other, as we see in hexagram sixty one to the point where it influences "even pigs and fishes." Without that inner calm there is no penetration into the psyche of the other." Without that inner calm we can not effectively deal with our spouses and our significant others. But with it our gentleness is no longer coming from a place of weakness, but of strength. So often kindness is mistaken for weakness, but it depends on what kind of kindness it is. Does it come from the inner being? From a heart that is strong and yet soft?

We ourselves, when we recognize the difference, recognize it by being gentle yet strong within. By maintaining an inner calm. The commentary goes on to say, "The very gradualness of the development makes it necessary to have persistence, for persistence alone prevents slow progress from dwindling to nothing." Most things cannot be done over night. And if in applying a gentle spirit we give up after a few tries then that penetration will not occur and we will have accomplished nothing. We will have little if any influence on anyone. One of the major lessons of the I Ching is that we cannot accomplish everything at once. We must build big successes by the accumulation of little successes. And we can only have those little successes by applying the proper principles and continue to apply them. We must have a goal that we do not deviate from. We must be slow to give up, but we must build little by little. This concept is brought out a little bit in hexagram forty five and forty six, where things are gradually gathered together, and as they are, a vertical ascent happens as well. When we follow the dictates of our higher self, when we apply spiritual principles daily, always applying the correct techniques, we gather spiritual forces to our side, and they help us to maintain both an inner and an outer equilibrium, which integrates our lives and develops our spiritual world within. As line two of forty five says, "There are spiritual forces at work, bringing those together who belong together." This happens not only with people meant for us to have relationships with, but also, for events in our lives to teach us and guide us into a deeper spiritual understanding.

Finally, in developing relationships, the same principle of gradualness must apply. We can have short term relationships that, as in hexagram thirty line four, "flame up, die down, and are thrown away." We can have those types of short term relationships if we so choose, but in doing so we never develop a lasting partnership upon which society is based. The commentary on hexagram thirty one says, "...for it is perseverance that makes the difference between seduction and courtship..." We cannot develop lasting relationships over night. Even if the chemistry is very strong, it will wear off over time, and if the proper basis for a relationship has not been developed, it will not last. We may fall in chemistry at first glance, but not true love. Not spiritual, unconditional love." Only the heart in its deepest part knows the true one meant for us.